Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Tweets and Such

For quite a while, I've felt like an old fogey when it comes to things like Twitter.  I didn't tweet, twit, or... (I think I'll stop there.)  I had the general concept of Twitter, but this old fart had no need for it.  However, one thing has brought me screaming into the 21st century - Jimmy Bean's Wool Watcher.  For those of you who don't know, it's discount yarn that changes every 2 hours or sooner if something sells out.  I've become addicted to watching it.  Note that I didn't say purchasing from it.  (Not that I haven't purchased from it, but the buying part hasn't quite become an addiction yet - only the watching.)  But it's hard to know when something new will come up without sitting at the computer... unless you sign up for their Wool Watch tweets.  Hence... TWITTER.

So if you want to tweet me, I'm @knittymelissa.  Or if you are tweeting about me or my patterns, go ahead and use #knittymelissa.  I'm not quite sure what those mean, but my husband tells me that's the correct way to write those, so there you go.

While you're at it, please subscribe to my new youtube channel.  I just put up a KnittyMelissa-specific channel and copied my colorwork knitting inside out video there, so check it out, subscribe, watch the video, and stay tuned for more videos in the future!
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCw3BPlWAqG1c3a_1EkwUMww

Happy knitting!

Thursday, January 28, 2016

An Unexpected Compliment

Let me preface today's blog by saying that it's not about knitting or spinning or anything fiber-related.  I had a dental cleaning scheduled for this morning to which I arrived 10 minutes early while they were running 10 minutes late, but other than kicking myself that I didn't take any knitting, there's no yarn in this post.

A little history...  I've been going to the same dentist for almost 22 years, although I should probably say that I've been going to the same hygienist (Kathy) because honestly, it's she who has kept me driving 40 minutes each way every 6 months and not my actual dentist.  (When I first moved to MA, I used to live 3 minutes from the office and stayed with the office even after we bought a place farther away.  Plus it's only a mile or two from my husband's work, so I schedule a mid-morning appointment after which I make a quick stop at the nearby mall and then meet him for lunch.  But I digress...)  I've had her as my hygienist from my early 20's single days as a "career woman" to being a newlywed, a new mom, a SAHM, and now the mom of a teen & tween.  She always remembers what was happening in my life, has been an Usborne customer of mine, and gets a Christmas card from me every year.  As long as she's there, I'll never change dentists.

As Kathy prepared to begin my bi-annual scraping and polishing, she paused and kind of furrowed her brow.  It looked like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure that she should.  Finally she said "There's something I want to tell you." (Quite frankly, my initial thought was "Uh-oh...."  Why do I - and so many of us - expect the worst if someone says they want to talk or tell us something???)  But then she said, "You are a really good mom."  I'm not sure exactly how I responded, but I believe it along the lines of a surprised "Oh!"  As a note, I had just been to the office a month ago with both kids for their cleaning & check-ups where all three of us go into the room together.  I sit and wait and chat with one kid while the other is in the chair and then they switch.  It's how we've been doing it for 10 years now.

She continued.  "I see a lot of parents - mostly moms - here with their kids, and I have to tell you that I notice how good of a mom you are.  The way you talk to them and the way they talk to you.  It's so nice and yet they totally respect you and know that you aren't going to let them get away with talking to you in a certain way or doing certain things.  They're good kids and polite and know where the boundaries are.  With my boys, I was a good mom, but I could have been better."  (Her boys are 20 & 23 now.)  "I could have been more strict and set better boundaries and followed through with them.  I can tell that you do that and that's a great thing.  And I know that as moms, we often second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're doing things right and raising our kids well, so I thought it was important for me to tell you that you are."

And then I cried.  In the dental chair - and no drills or needles were even involved.  And if I wasn't reclined back with a paper bib around my neck and she hadn't been wearing her face shield, I would have hugged her.

Because it's true.  As mothers, we can only hope that we are raising our children to be good people and to respect us and others, but it's sometimes hard to know if we're doing a good job.  I can't even express how much it meant to me that she noticed - and told me.

Kathy and I went on to talk about how parents need to be their childrens' parents - not their friends, and how it's not bad to be strict or "mean."  Our kids need to know that we are the boss - they are not our peers or equals.  We need to expect them to do certain things and act certain ways and establish consequences if those expectations aren't met.  They may not like it now, and it's certainly not easy, but it's so worth it in the long run to raise children who aren't going to be disrespectful, obnoxious, and worst of all - entitled.

So thank you, Kathy, for making me cry today.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

She's Alive!

Hi.  So yeah, I'm alive.  Just not blogging, apparently.  I don't know what inspired me to sit down and write something today, but it did, so let's just accept that and move forward.

What have I been up to?  Doing a bit of designing, of course!  I even added a couple of hats to my pattern store which are companions to sock patterns of the same name.  I've also branched out a bit in my personal knitting to knit THINGS WHICH ARE NOT SOCKS.  Heaven have mercy!  Melissa's knitting something that isn't a sock!  Check it out - I even knit... a Rhinebeck sweater.  I was so proud of myself and love it so much that I bought yarn at Rhinbeck (Oct 2015) for another sweater which I promptly cast on Nov 1st for NaKniSweMo.  Said sweater is sitting in my WIP pile.  It needs the bottom ribbing, two sleeves and neck finishing.  I'm thinking I'll finish it in a mad rush before this year's Rhinebeck just to start a tradition.

I also bought a spinning wheel.  A gorgeous, time-sink of a spinning wheel.


Isn't it pretty?  It goes perfectly in my new den (now known as "the spinning room") and was worth every minute of the hour and a half drive each way to pick her up.  I bought some undyed fiber to play with after I spun the braid given to me by the former owner.  My first spinning attempt was pretty laughable for some art yarn.  It was too dramatically thick and thin to ply (which I totally did on purpose), so it ended up as an artsy single that I knit into a remarkably cute hat... and which my daughter promptly claimed as her own.  Because I love her.

I was also RAKed a big box of fiber from an amazingly generous Ravelry member.  If you aren't aware of what "RAK" means, it stands for Random Act of Kindness, and Ravelry has a group by that name where people post wishlists and can randomly gift things to others who post lists.  Some of that fiber became some soft fingerless mitts - for me!

I also spun some EVIL FIBER that I purchased from a destash.  The former owner did tell me that she never spun it because she didn't like the way it felt, but it was a good deal - $10 for 8 oz - so I decided what the heck.  The fiber was 50/50 merino/soysilk.  Not silk, but soysilk.  The evil step-cousin of real silk.  I posted about it in a spinning group and anyone else who had ever tried it basically laughed at my naivety.  "Oh honey, don't you know that stuff is evil???"  Yeah, thanks.  I figured that part out.  Fortunately, my stubborn gene kicked in, and I kicked that fiber's soysilk ass.  I spun just enough to make a very pretty scarf which has yet to be blocked.  I have a mental block about blocking it.  I think subconsciously I believe that there's no way that I could have beaten this fiber and it still has some evilness up it's sleeve.  I wouldn't be surprised if I submerged it and it drifted apart into a million tiny pieces.  Or it somehow wraps itself around my neck and my kids will find me strangled and blue and wearing my evil handspun scarf.

Silver lining - everything I've spun since that has been a cakewalk!

All I need now is more time in the day.  Knitting, spinning, and designing - why oh why can't the laundry do itself?

(Oh hey!  Apparently people name their spinning wheels - who'd a thunk it??  I have a couple of ideas but nothing has really jumped out at me as "the perfect name."  Any ideas?  Post in the comments!)

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

HSS - The Newest Knitting Affliction

I think I've mentally embraced startitis a bit much.  I may even be losing the will to actually finish projects, as long as I get to cast on something new.  Don't get my wrong, I want to finish things.  I just don't want to actually work on them after I get about halfway through.  It's no secret that I knit mostly socks and that I typically knit them two at a time to avoid the dreaded Second Sock Syndrome (SSS).  But now once I do the heel flaps and pick up the gussets, my fingers start itchin' for something new.  As of this moment, I have three pairs of socks that have been knit to somewhere in the vicinity of the heel.  (Plus one pair that's only a single sock done as a test knit, but I swear that I'm going to conquer SSS for those next month.  But that's another story...)  Two pairs are gathering dust but I actually turned the heel on the third pair.

Three pairs stuck about halfway through and what did I do for two hours last night?  Browse Ravelry's 127 pages of free sock patterns and add numerous ones to my library and favorites.  I definitely have a problem.

I have Half Sock Syndrome.

Friday, February 8, 2013

Embracing Startitus?

I was reading an email edition of "Knitting Daily" a few moments ago with a title of "Don't be a knitting monogamist!"  This piqued my interest, especially since I've been dallying in some knitting polygamy recently.

For my first two years of sock knitting, I'd at most have two pairs of socks going at one time.  But most of the time it was one pair.  Cast on, knit the pair, bind off, weave in the ends, start a new pair.  (This is how I know that it typically takes me about two weeks to knit a pair of socks.)  Once in a while, I'd cast on a new pair before the first pair was finished.  When I did, I always had trouble making eye contact with the temporarily abandoned pair.  I almost felt guilty cheating on my half-done socks with a shiny new cast-on.

However, with the start of 2013, I found myself with FIVE pairs of socks OTN (on the needles)!  Three of them were started in December along with an additional two for new January knit-a-longs.  I found myself getting a bit twitchy.  I was alternating between them.  Bored with one?  Grab a different pair!  Tired of lace?  Switch to cables!  I had become a player.  A bonified, sock-knitting play-ah.  And there was the guilt.

Five project bags lined up next to each other.  "Knit me!" one seemed to say.  "No, knit me!" another would soundlessly cry.  I was stretched thin... too many at once!  How can I ever finish any of them with so many taking my attention???  (Now I know how the husband on "Sister Wives" must feel...)

Then a miraculous thing happened...

I started finishing them.  Bam!  One pair done!  BAM!  Another!  BABAM!  A third!  After languishing in various states of almost-completion, I had a rush of finishing that was almost as good as a giant slice of New York style cheesecake smothered in strawberries.  (Almost.)  So when I saw the article in Knitting Daily, it was as if it was written just for me.

Here's an exerpt:
I also love starting projects, and I let myself start new ones while old ones are still in progress. I find that new projects keeps my enthusiasm for knitting at top speed. To me, looking at yarn and patterns and starting new projects is the lifeblood of knitting—there's always something new to work on!
 

"Start as many new projects as you can!"

That's my new motto, and I'm sticking to it. I'm not talking about mindlessly and indiscriminately knitting any old thing with any old yarn you can get your hands on; instead, I'm talking about choosing new projects wisely and for very specific beneficial reasons. Yet recognizing that creativity is fluid, I want to keep a steady stream of new experiences flowing with as many different kinds of projects as I can manage.

Huh.  How about that?  Just when I'm struggling with another three pairs of cast on socks (Haymitch test knit, Jacob (as in the Twilight Jacob), and Elm (by Cookie A)), a not-quite-half-finished Nightlock shawl, and Sock Madness coming up.  (If you don't know what Sock Madness is, it's basically a speed sock knitting competition for crazy people.  Check out their group on Ravelry.)  But even with all of those things, I still find myself wanting to cast on more.  Yarn is wound for Gollum socks.  More yarn is wound for some fabulous gloves (pattern by Julia Mueller).  Do I dare start them?  Will I be empowered and feel those creative juices flowing?  Or will I just stress myself out?  I'm walking the fence here - it could go either way.  This weekend may be the determining factor.  With two feet of snow supposedly on the way, I should hopefully be stuck in the house and get a lot of knitting done.  Will I be bored with my current projects and give in to my slutty desire to start a new knitted love or two?  Or will I remain committed to the socks with which I've already built a relationship?  Only time will tell...

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Single Digits

The outside temperature is in the single digits, making it far too cold to go outside even taking into account that we are down to our last 1/4 gallon of milk.  The Amazon Prime video-on-demand refuses to play the next episode of season 5 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  What to do...?  What to do...?

Hey, maybe I'll blog! 

I may not have been adding to my knitting blog recently, but I have been knitting.  Yes, yes, mostly socks, but I did manage to stray away from wool footwear long enough to make a few Christmas presents.  A Scalene scarf for Mom, Exeter hats for Dad and my brother, Michael, and Tweed Mittens for my friends Darlene & Crista.  I did have a pair of socks for Chris in progress for the holidays but they didn't quite make it in time for his Christmas stocking.  No worries - I finished them early in January.  Too bad I told him about them when I didn't finish them in time or they could have been a Valentine's Day present.  (And too bad my friend, Leigh, didn't suggest that a mere 12 hours earlier...)

Oh, before I forget - Happy New Year!  I have some grand resolutions for 2013, some knitting related and some not.  First the general stuff - I want to plan weekly dinner menus for my family (it makes shopping and cooking soooo much easier!)  And... I actually think that was my only resolution that didn't have to do with yarn.

For yarny resolutions, I decided that this year I am going to knit a sweater.  For myself.  That isn't some big boxy, acrylic yarn held double-stranded monstrosity like I knit for myself in 8th grade.  A real sweater.  One where people will say, "Oh, I love your sweater!" and I can reply, "Thanks!  I made it!" to which their eyes will bug out of their heads and they'll be so incredibly impressed that they'll barely be able to gasp, "You made that???"  To which they'll go home and have five weeks of depression that they only thing they've produced recently is a score of over 300 points in Words With Friends.

But I digress.

I want to knit a sweater.  I've even picked out a pattern - it's called the Blackberry Cabled Cardigan.  As the name suggests, there are a LOT of cables. 


I obviously decided to start out small and simple and not just jump insanely into a complicated pattern that will make me want to strangle somebody and that I have no chance in hell of finishing.

This sweater will also be an investment.  The cheapest yarn option I've found so far (Knit Picks) will set me back about $65.  My first choice option priced out at $150, so we'll just pretend that yarn doesn't exist.  I am perfectly content knitting my crazy sweater in less expensive but still good quality yarn.  (And it will NOT be purple.)

I also have resolved to knit a pair of gloves.  A designer named Julia Mueller has some fabulous glove patterns, some with unique construction.  (No mind that I've never knit a glove of any construction before.  But I did knit mittens, so how hard can it be to add all those fingers???)  I'm considering a pattern of hers called Eisblume.


I may not add the beads because I've seen some lovely ones without them.  But I do like knitting with beads, so for that reason I kind of do want to add them.  But I like the look better without them.  But they are more impressive with them.  But it would be faster to knit them without beads.  But I already have beads I could use.

As you can see, my internal bead dilemma rages on.

My final knitting-related resolution is to not grow my stash.  (HA!!!)  No really.  I'm going to try.  I did join Cookie A's 2013 sock club, so that's one skein every 2 months - only 6 for the year.  And I love Hazel Knits so I gave myself permission to purchase that club which is 2 skeins every 2 months, so that's 12 for the year.  Add that to the Cookie Club and that would be 18 skeins.  Considering I knit 30 pairs of socks last year, that would decrease my stash by 12 skeins by the end of 2013.  But honestly, if I can even just maintain the level of the bins/bags/pile, I'd be happy.  That means I need to... Knit. From. Stash. 

Can I do it?  That remains to be seen.

Next blog- recently finished socks!  Are you on the edge of your seat???

Sunday, August 5, 2012

I've heard of two left feet, but...

Last month's challenge in my Sock Knitters Anonymous group on Ravelry was colorwork.  I love colorwork socks!  Two different colors, the stitches are all knits, the socks go fast and look harder than they really are.  And I had the perfect pattern in mind - one called "Water for the Elephants" by designer RoseHiver (Yvette).  She had created the pattern for herself one month but hadn't released it to the public.  Having knit a couple of her patterns previously, including my much-loved "Butterflies Are Free" socks, I asked her if I could knit her Elephants pattern and she very graciously agreed.

The socks are mirrored and the instructions start with the left sock, so that's where I started.  I followed the pattern the entire way through and a couple of days ago finished the first sock.  I immediately cast on the second sock and finished the leg about an hour ago, ready to start the heel.

Here is a photo of the first sock:


Notice anything amiss?

Remember, the first sock knit is the left sock....

There is only one elephant per sock....

The elephant should be on the outside of the sock....

Yes.  Somehow I knit a right sock.  I don't know how, but I started the heel on the wrong needle.  And it never dawned on me as I tried the sock on over and over to admire it.  I went on in colorwork sock bliss until I started the heel flap for the second sock.  After two rows, I suddenly yelled "Oh no!"  My husband, thinking something serious was wrong, asked what was happening.  I replied, "I'm knitting another right sock!"  Catastrophe!  Surely he could see that!  Someone had to help me!  But after a well-meaning "Uh-oh" from him before he returned to staring at his computer, I knew I was on my own.  As luck would have it, minutes later I received a phone call from my knitting buddy, Leigh, who was surely on some knitter's psychic wavelength and knew subconsciously that I was in trouble and needed left sock moral support.  Or maybe she was just venting about an unending bind-off on her latest mystery shawl from the Janel Laidman sock club.  In any case, I whined a little about my situation before begging off the phone to figure it out.

I don't know if I should admit this or not, but I spent a little bit of time trying to figure out how I had screwed up and created a right sock until I realized that's what I should actually be knitting.  The real question was how had I screwed up the first sock and turned it from a leftie to a rightie??

That left me with how to transform my correct right sock into an incorrect left sock so I'd have an actual pair at the end of this project.  My solution?  I've started the heel flap on the opposite needle as the one called for, so cross your fingers (I can't cross mine because I'm knitting) that the charts for the foot all work out with my changes.  But why shouldn't they?  The left sock charts seemed to work just fine for a right sock.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Test Knit

I have certainly been knitting more than I've been writing recently, much to the chagrin of at least one of my blog followers.  (Okay, so probably just that one, but who am I to deprive her of my attempts at wit?)

I've finished quite a few pairs of socks since my last blog post.  One that I'm particularly proud of are my Gale Socks.  These are the second test knit I've done for a designer who is working on a series of Hunger Games based sock patterns.  The first was Peeta, whose single completed sock is currently languishing in my "hibernating" pile until I get the time and motivation to replicate it.  (Based on my list of socks-to-knit over the next couple of months, the chances of me having both the time and motivation to even cast on the second sock are looking pretty slim, but it will happen.  Someday.)

In any case, I guess I was a good enough test knitter (i.e. I found enough errors in the pattern) that she asked me to test another sock - the Gale socks.  I even had the perfect yarn in my stash - some Dream in Color Smooshy in a nice, stormy color called Dusky Aurora.



I also knit a very pretty pair of socks that have been in my queue for a while now.  They started out as a mystery sock but the mystery wasn't so mysterious since quite a few people have knit the pattern since it was first released.  And that's fine with me because I didn't want to waste my pretty Grant Creek Yarn on a sock that I wasn't sure I would like.  (But my OCD reasoning behind why mystery socks just aren't my thang can wait for another day.)

The pattern is Harold and Maude and the socks turned out lovely, albeit extremely tight.  In fact, they are the only pair of socks I've ever knit that are too narrow for my narrow feet.  But with a little wiggling, I can get them on, so I will wear them dammit!


 Oh, and there are more socks, oh loyal reader.  But it's late and I'm tired and I've miles to go before I sleep, so they will have to wait for another day.  Good night.

Monday, March 26, 2012

A Good Knitting Day

Yesterday was a good knitting day for me.  After being in a knitting rut on several things, I was due for a day full of knitting happiness.

Rut 1:
My Peeta socks based on the character in The Hunger Games.  I knit the first sock to the toe, decided the heel flap was too long and the gussets were too wide, and tossed the sock into time-out for a couple of weeks.  I eventually ripped it back to the heel flap, shortened it, and decreased my size medium sock down to small for the foot.  I got through all of the gusset decreases and was working on the foot, until I realized that after putting the sock down overnight, when I picked it back up I kept decreasing on the sole and the sock was woefully narrow.  Back into time out it went until yesterday.

I pulled Peeta out of the shadows in the corner of my family room, tinked back all of the extra decreases, and actually made some forward progress.  I'm halfway down the foot and getting closer to the toes with each row!  Happy day!

Rut 2:
I've been working on a pair of Hiccup socks for Dominic for months.  They are my leave-in-the-car project where I knit a couple of rounds here and there at parent pick-up or when Chris and I go out to breakfast on Sunday.  The first sock has been done, but the second has been languishing on the leg for quite a while.  Now spring is coming and it won't be wool sock weather in another month or two.

I finished the leg of his second sock, knit the heel flap, turned the heel, picked up the gussets, and worked through the gusset decreases.  I have 37 rows left on the foot and then the toe, so they are also nearing the home stretch!  Happy day!

Rut 3:
This one wasn't a huge rut - more like a little divot.  The Janel Laidman sock club mystery pattern for March had clue 2 released on Friday.  I had knit half of it and then put it aside.  Yesterday, I finished clue 2!  Happy day!

Rut 4:
I gave up buying yarn for Lent.  Seems easy enough, right?  Yeah.  I wish.  So much yummy yarny goodness has been calling to me, and I know it's because I can't buy it!  It's like when you paint your nail and the polish is still wet and you get itchy everywhere just because your body knows you can't scratch it.  There are yarn sales and free shipping flying around everywhere recently!  But yesterday, a wonderful, all-knowing random number generator chose my project to win a skein of yarn in the Springtree Road Spring KAL.  I had entered my Stalagmite socks knit with Springtree Road's Julep (merino/cashmere/nylon) sock yarn.  I loved the socks, loved the yarn, loved the pattern, and love them even more now that I won!  And what better thing to win but more yarn???  It's like the universe knew I needed some sock yarn stash addition to get me through until after Easter.  Happy day!

Here are the winning socks:



I just hope it doesn't mean that today I'm destined a day of knitting doom.  Maybe I should stay away from my needles for the next 24 hours....

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Are You Hungry?

Over a year ago (maybe two?), I read the Hunger Games trilogy just as the third book was being released as really enjoyed them.  The first book was actually reminiscent of a Stephen King short story called "The Long Walk" in that teens are competing against each other to better their or their family's situations at the risk of death.

Since I first read the books, my son has also read them - also with great enjoyment.  We were both excited to hear that a movie was in the works, and it's release date is almost here - March 23.  I plan on dragging my husband to see it opening night.

So you might be thinking, "What does this have to do with knitting?"  I'm getting there.

A pattern author on Ravelry.com is designing socks based on Hunger Games characters.  Her first sock is called Peeta, after the boy-next-door baker's son who accompanies Katniss as the male tribute in the Games from their district.  The pattern has striping and a contrasting toe which gives the socks a bit of an athletic sock feel but in a more elegant and aesthetically pleasing way.  But the best part is the pattern on the legs which looks like stalks of wheat, especially knit in a golden yarn.

I was drooling over the Peeta socks.

Unfortunately they were being designed as I discovered them and only recently (in the past week) moved into the test knit phase, with the pattern release scheduled for the end of March. 

Fortunately, I commented on one of the test knitter's posts on Ravelry asking how she got lucky enough to be a test knitter and the pattern author contacted me to test knit it, too!  So basically I've said "screw the Cookie A. pattern for the beginning of the month" and cast on my Peeta.

I had ordered a skein of merino/nylon from Grant Creek Yarns in a new colorway called Winter Wheat which I had earmarked for Peeta before I even owned the yarn.  However, when I got it, it was quite a bit darker and more brown than the golden wheat color I had hoped it would be.  (Turns out the dyer opened new bottles of dye for the latest batch of Winter Wheat, hence the darker colors.)  Don't get me wrong, the yarn is beautiful, but wasn't right for Peeta.  Luckily I had some Knit Picks Stroll in Mustard in my stash which was earmarked for a Gryffindor project at some point down the road, but desperate times call for stash diving and it has become Peeta.  A little of the same yarn in the Fedora colorway for the stripes, and here are my Peeta's so far:


The same designer has started socks for the other main male character, Katniss' best friend, Gale.  I can't wait to see them!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Where's the Flood?

Finding jeans that fit can be an ordeal.  Wait, let me rephrase that.  Finding jeans that fit if you are a woman can be an ordeal.  (Why is that men can walk into a store, grab a pair of jeans by matching up two numbers and they fit, while women's denim manufacturer's can't seem to get it together on what cryptic number like 4, 6, or 10 mean?  You'd think that it would be easier now that some companies are actually listing sizes by supposed waist measurements, like 32 or 38, but apparently they are all using some hand-whittled-in-the-dark-ages measuring sticks that are unique, just like women's bodies.  But I digress...)

In my quest to find "good jeans," I have no fewer than 12 pairs of jeans hanging in my closet.  (Okay, for the sake of accuracy, I just checked.  There are 15 pairs in my closet, one pair that I'm wearing, and another in the laundry.)  Of those jeans, there are two pairs that I can't zip, another two that zip but are uncomfortable, three with holes in the knees that I can't bear to part with quite yet (one being a pair of Lucky Jeans that got a giant hole when I fell down my front cement steps the first time I wore them), one pair that I think are just too young looking for me so I immediately take them off every time I put them on (they still have the tags attached), a couple that are okay, a couple that are too short to wear with anything other than super flat shoes (I'm a heels girl), a great pair of trouser-ish jeans that fit fabulous but again are just a smidge short, and two pairs that are long and that I think I look pretty good in.  (I may have missed a few pairs, but you get the idea.)

There are many ways that jeans don't fit - waist, hips, thighs, length, rise....  Can someone please tell me what's going on with today's female youth in that many of them don't have hips?  I'm sorry, but boyfriend jeans that are cut straight from the waist to the thigh should - and do - leave giant gaps in the back of the waistband for those of us with hips.  (And saddlebags, but that's another issue.)  Is there some new evolutionary bias for hipless females???  Whatever the cause, I do not fit into the new straight torso category.  But fear not, there are new "curvy" cut jeans for us ladies whose waists are smaller than their hips.  Hallelujah. 

But for all the ways in which jeans don't fit me, there is one that at least has a small silver lining.  Length. You see, I'm 5'8" tall, which is not Amazonian by any standard, but is apparently tall enough that the average pant teases at being long enough while being worn in the dressing room, but then suddenly shrinks an inch by the time I get them home.  Who knows why this shrinkage occurs.  (Perhaps my house is significantly colder than the store dressing rooms???)  I even try to outsmart the jeans by trying them on - *gasp* - with my shoes!  Yep, they look long enough.  Until I get home...  Maybe it's my desperation to find good jeans.  I overlook seemingly obvious faults in an attempt to hope for the best later.  (Holy heck, is this jeans shopping or my dating life in my 20's???)

I am aware that they make jeans in tall sizes, and yes, I do own a couple pairs of said jeans.  They are, however, made for Amazonian women and necessitate the wearing of significantly heeled shoes so as to not drag on the ground behind my heels.  (No, I don't hem.  And if I did hem, it wouldn't be jeans.  Jeans are sewing machine needle killers.)  And because I have recently began to grudgingly admit that heels are not entirely perfect for all situations, my tall jeans do not work for all outfits and/or footwear.  (Okay, that's not true.  Heels are always fabulous.  It's because of a nasty neuroma on one foot that causes constant pain, otherwise I'd wear heels to the grocery store.)  This leaves me with my slightly-short jean options.  (Save me the "where's the flood" jokes as I hear them in my head every time I look in the mirror while wearing my I-wish-these-were-an-inch-longer denim pants.)

But.... 

Wait for it....

I knit socks.  Beautiful socks with lots of fancy crap like cables, lace, and heel flaps that have brought me to tears.  Socks using $20 skeins of hand-dyed yarn.  A pair of knee socks that was almost the death of me that took 40-50 hours of knitting time and $40 in yarn (not including shipping).  Socks that I love wearing. 

Socks that are usually hidden under long-enough jeans.

So the next time you see me in my jeans, instead of thinking that I'm preparing in advance for my hot water tank to break and flood my basement, take a peek at that inch between my hem and the top of my shoes.  You just may see a sock work of art.