An Unexpected Compliment

Let me preface today's blog by saying that it's not about knitting or spinning or anything fiber-related.  I had a dental cleaning scheduled for this morning to which I arrived 10 minutes early while they were running 10 minutes late, but other than kicking myself that I didn't take any knitting, there's no yarn in this post.

A little history...  I've been going to the same dentist for almost 22 years, although I should probably say that I've been going to the same hygienist (Kathy) because honestly, it's she who has kept me driving 40 minutes each way every 6 months and not my actual dentist.  (When I first moved to MA, I used to live 3 minutes from the office and stayed with the office even after we bought a place farther away.  Plus it's only a mile or two from my husband's work, so I schedule a mid-morning appointment after which I make a quick stop at the nearby mall and then meet him for lunch.  But I digress...)  I've had her as my hygienist from my early 20's single days as a "career woman" to being a newlywed, a new mom, a SAHM, and now the mom of a teen & tween.  She always remembers what was happening in my life, has been an Usborne customer of mine, and gets a Christmas card from me every year.  As long as she's there, I'll never change dentists.

As Kathy prepared to begin my bi-annual scraping and polishing, she paused and kind of furrowed her brow.  It looked like she wanted to say something but wasn't sure that she should.  Finally she said "There's something I want to tell you." (Quite frankly, my initial thought was "Uh-oh...."  Why do I - and so many of us - expect the worst if someone says they want to talk or tell us something???)  But then she said, "You are a really good mom."  I'm not sure exactly how I responded, but I believe it along the lines of a surprised "Oh!"  As a note, I had just been to the office a month ago with both kids for their cleaning & check-ups where all three of us go into the room together.  I sit and wait and chat with one kid while the other is in the chair and then they switch.  It's how we've been doing it for 10 years now.

She continued.  "I see a lot of parents - mostly moms - here with their kids, and I have to tell you that I notice how good of a mom you are.  The way you talk to them and the way they talk to you.  It's so nice and yet they totally respect you and know that you aren't going to let them get away with talking to you in a certain way or doing certain things.  They're good kids and polite and know where the boundaries are.  With my boys, I was a good mom, but I could have been better."  (Her boys are 20 & 23 now.)  "I could have been more strict and set better boundaries and followed through with them.  I can tell that you do that and that's a great thing.  And I know that as moms, we often second-guess ourselves and wonder if we're doing things right and raising our kids well, so I thought it was important for me to tell you that you are."

And then I cried.  In the dental chair - and no drills or needles were even involved.  And if I wasn't reclined back with a paper bib around my neck and she hadn't been wearing her face shield, I would have hugged her.

Because it's true.  As mothers, we can only hope that we are raising our children to be good people and to respect us and others, but it's sometimes hard to know if we're doing a good job.  I can't even express how much it meant to me that she noticed - and told me.

Kathy and I went on to talk about how parents need to be their childrens' parents - not their friends, and how it's not bad to be strict or "mean."  Our kids need to know that we are the boss - they are not our peers or equals.  We need to expect them to do certain things and act certain ways and establish consequences if those expectations aren't met.  They may not like it now, and it's certainly not easy, but it's so worth it in the long run to raise children who aren't going to be disrespectful, obnoxious, and worst of all - entitled.

So thank you, Kathy, for making me cry today.